Fly Away.


I had a dream last night. My sister, Millie, was a little girl again. She was smiling and happy. She was pushing a tiny pram that contained her favourite teddy bear, Belvedere. He was brand new with a plum-coloured velvet jacket. My Mum found Belvedere a few days ago under a pile of newspapers. He’d had a cigarette put out in his soft tan fur. I wonder how it is that things can have changed so much; that things which were once valued have been so cruelly discarded.

My sister won’t talk to me. She says that if I loved her I would understand that she can never leave her husband no matter what he does. If I hadn’t been sitting down her words would have knocked me clean over. Never is a very long time. I give up. I can’t bear to remember the way it used to be. Belvedere looks at me with his sad eyes. I have washed him three times but I can’t get the cigarette marks out. Sometimes I wish I could just fly away…..

19 thoughts on “Fly Away.

  1. That is sad about your sis. Unfortunately, she has made a choice she will regret in the months and years to come. The best thing for you to do is to be kind, gentle, and reassuring. Her thoughts and decisions will continue to be shaped by the people around her, most importantly you. Think of it as a long-term project that you can have a positive impact on which will restore her to a point of happiness and self-fulfillment.


  2. I’m sorry. This is so sad. Sometimes letting a loved one experience pain is the only way out. It’s terrible to have limited choices. My thoughts are with you.


  3. Ditto on heartbreak. If you love something — set it free, as you know — and look at the picture you choose as well…its seems you have set that free. It will come back to you. You have such a capacity for love and for loving yourself. You can’t make someone take it. You just have to throw it out there into the world unconditionally. You have such a beautiful heart and light. You are an inspiration on so many levels.


  4. I actually winced when I read this Selma and I am so sorry your sister won’t talk to you. All you can do is leave the door open so she knows there is a safe haven if she needs it. I hope Belvedere can be restored to his former splendour. Hugs to you sweet lady.


  5. How does the song go “until the end of never”.
    Your sister must be very much in love,and it must terrible for you to stand on the sidelines and just watch all this. She will come to you when she is ready. and if we can believe Brigite Bardot, and she certainly had experience, that kind of love lasts at the most two years. So maybe it would do you good to get away if you can


  6. Hi Selma,
    This is such a “tight” post — as in, careful writing and imagery reduce it to an essence. I’m sorry about you and your sister. My long sisterships (3) have included very harsh words. When I asked my dear mom for advice, she said, “Just keep sending her a lot of love and don’t expect any in return.” That was brilliant advice.


  7. I believe your dream is telling you that you can’t look after your sister unless you look after yourself.

    Baby Carriage (‘pram’, ‘stroller’)
    “…Alternatively, it suggests that you need to cater to the needs of your own inner child.”

    …Alternatively, your sister may be a metaphor and actually refer to a nun. In this case, she may represent spiritual issues

    Teddy Bear
    …implies that you need to be reassured and taken care of….


  8. I am sorry. I always understood sisters to be one of the strongest bonds there is. A very good friend has a sister who no longer talks to her and it breaks her heart. Here’s sending a little goofy happiness your way, ok?


  9. INGRID – thank you so much for understanding.

    MELEAH – thanks for the hugs. I needed that.

    HEATHER – thank you so much!

    PAISLEY – your advice has been invaluable throughout this. I am very grateful.

    CHRIS – excellent advice. Thank you for that.

    TR – what a lovely thing to saying. You have really cheered me.

    GYPSY – It was seeing poor little Belvedere in the state he was in that upset me the most. You are a sweetie.

    DIAMONDS – I have a feeling it will fizzle out and I believe ‘never’ depends on perspective. Hopefully, it won’t be as long as I think. Good to hear from you again!

    DAOINE – thank you so much. You are a sweetie.

    MS KAREN – thank you for the virtual hug. I could actually feel it.

    CAROLINE – I am going to take that advice and use it. Brilliant!

    DAVID – thank you for all the wonderful things you found. You are awesome. And you are definitely right about the dream.

    HEATHER – I am feeling much better. Thank you so much for your concern.

    ANTHONY – very wise words, indeed.

    GROOVY – thanks so much for the lovely hug!

    MICHAEL – goofy happiness is the best kind of all. Thank you!


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