Just when you think you’ve heard it all….
A woman in Kansas has spent the last two years sitting on her boyfriend’s toilet. She had spent so long sitting there that her skin had grown around the toilet seat, so she became adhered to it. The toilet seat had to be surgically removed.
Every day her boyfriend brought her food and drink and asked her to get off the toilet but her reply was always the same: ‘Maybe tomorrow.’ After two years he decided to call the police telling them he thought something was wrong with his girlfriend.
Police found the woman looking ‘somewhat disoriented.’ I’ll bet she was. Questions abound. How did she get stuck to the toilet in the first place? Didn’t anyone in her family notice she was spending an inordinate amount of time in the loo? Why did her boyfriend wait two years to do something about it? Where did he go to the toilet for two years?
My favourite headline definitely is –
WOMAN RECOVERING FROM TOILET ORDEAL
If I had an ordeal in a toilet, ie. I was stuck on there for two years, I don’t think I’d ever recover. What was her boyfriend thinking??????
The woman is receiving counselling to help her address the various emotions she’s experiencing –
Yeah, she’s feeling a little flushed. (Sorry, I couldn’t help it.)
Already, she’s tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes. (I know. I know)
She’s really worried her relationship has gone down the toilet (Rimshot.)
It’s a crazy, mixed-up world.
Selma In The City 
(Sings to the tune of ‘Oh, dear! What can the matter be?’)
‘There was an old lady called old Mrs. Humphrey
Who went to the loo and felt very comfy.
When she tried to rise, she could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there ….’
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What a strange ‘chain’ of events.
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You know, Selma, this post is going to attract a lot of toilet joke comments, in fact thare could be so many that you’ll have to take them in ‘job’ lots.
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i had many of the same questions when i first read this report.. WTF??? i swear to god… every time i think i am weirding out,,, i read something like this and think,, nope… i am perfectly alright,,, in comparison……
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I read this on someone elses blog and couldn’t believe it. I wish I could think of another toilet joke but sorry that particular well is dry.
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This post is driving me around the ‘S’ bend.
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In other toliet related news:
All the toilet seats were stolen from police headquarters.
The police have nothing to go on.
DavidM
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I read this news a few days ago, in fact. I thought, forget the boyfriend, she and John are tight! š (sorry, I couldn’t help it too.)
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I hope they had more than one khasi … otherwise, the boyfriend would have to go next door if he wanted to go …. :0
I bet the lady concerned was flushed with embarrassment!
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I read about this a few days ago and my friends and I had all the same questions LOL! But someone said that in some other articel it was said that her boyfriend was mentally challenged (I think this is the politically correct word) – that might explain some stuff…
I liked Chris’s comment about her and John š
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Truly, this was the saddest and most disgusting thing I have heard for a long time. Both of those people need counseling. And, what will life be like for her as a recovering toilet sitter? It’s not like she can avoid toilets! Will she have the urge to stay there every time she goes pee?
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Stop it, it hurts when I laugh.
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Her boyfriend is such an ass.
I heard they toilet papered her house while she was on the toilet.
I got a little flushed when I read this.
Do you think their relationship just went down the drain?
I’m going to use my better judgment and stop now…
š
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TRAVELRAT – now that is clever. Hahahahaha. Love it!
ANGRY – your comments will be among the best. I am sure of it! š
DAVID – that is truly brilliant. I can’t type for laughing! š
PAISLEY – I also feel quite normal in comparison. But I don’t think I’ll ever look at a toilet seat the same way again!
CHRIS – ba da boom. I wonder what her boyfriend thinks about John?
TRAVELRAT – I also hope they had more than one loo. Can you imagine?????
TBALL – he’d have to have some kind of problem to wait two years before doing something about this. And I love Chris’ comment too. He is a character!
MOMO FALI – I know. I wouldn’t want to have her over for dinner. She might use the toilet and never come out again.
MARY – so nice of you to visit. It also hurts when I laugh!
MICHAEL – like you, I could go on all day. Me and toilet humour, we go way back. It’s such a bizarre story it’s hard to resist! š
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I seem to be constipated when it comes to ideas… I have plenty of toilet paper, I just need a pencil to help work it out.
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Her doctors have tried to get to the seat of the problem but she just poo poos the whole idea.
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Whatās all the fuss about, she only sat on the loo a wee bit too long.
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Unfortunately she was disoriented in her boyfriendās new house, you could say that she was throne by the new surroundings.
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She was studying the complete list of house auctions for the year because she wanted to put in her own bid ay.
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The boyfriend was doomed to live out that Slim Dusty song: āThere was a big butt on the toilet seat when I went there last nightā āand the night beforeā āand the night beforeā āand….ā
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I could go on Selma, but I think that’ll do for now…:)
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HEY, ANGRY – you are definitely on a roll – get it? On a roll? I really like the bid ay one. You are King of the one-liners today. It’s official. š
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Yay!!! I win turd prize.
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ANGRY – no turd prize for you. You will always be first FLUSH in my book!
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Awww… and you know what Selma…? In the effluent that is my life, you definitely float along the top. (I know, romantic ay…)
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You haven’t heard that song? Then, surely, you’ve heard these … told to me by a Glaswegian frind who says they used to sing them when he was a kid …
(Tune: The Wild Rover)
‘Ah went doon tae this cludgie Ah used to frequent
And told the attendant ma penny was bent.
Ah asked fer another, these words he did spit:
‘If ye havnae a penny, you’ll no’ get credit’ …
(Tune: Whisky in the Jar)
‘There wiz a man frae Aberdeen who died here broken-hearted.
He came and paid his penny tae get in and only coughed … ‘
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I’m old enough to have spent a penny when I was young, and this was our favourite ditty;
Here I sit broken hearted,
paid my penny and only farted.
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ANGRY & TRAVELRAT – who said the days of vaudeville were over? I haven’t laughed so much in ages. Thanks so much. š
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“DAVID -that is truly brilliant”
It is brilliant, but not mine – I borrowed it from The Two Ronnies.
David.
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DAVID – anyone who is a Two Ronnies fan is OK in my book. And ‘It’s Goodnight from me…..’
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… and it’s good night from her.
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I just remembered this one, which is much more appropriate to the original situation. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten all but the chorus, but it went to the tune of ‘The Old Armchair’:
‘How they tittered! How they chaffed!
How the plumber and the joiner laughed!
When they saw poor Fat Anne
Stuck like a plug in the lavatory pan’
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I think the whole story is a bunch of crap.
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DAVID – Hahahahahaha š
TRAVELRAT – I remember poor Fat Anne. She was a very unfortunate person. Classic !
GROOVY – Giggle giggle giggle. You rock! š
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OH MY GOD. I know I shouldn’t but I am laughing so hard at “after two years, he called the police thinking something might be wrong with his girlfriend.” TWO YEARS! Um, I’d call after TWO HOURS!
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POET – can you believe he waited that long? And that he brought her meals every day? Totally insane!
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