Tales From The ‘Hood

Betcha didn’t know I was a gangsta, did ya? You probably thought I was all mild-mannered and nice, not a thug, right? Well according to one of the hard-nosed bullies at my son’s school I am 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg and Hannibal Lecter rolled into one. I am so street they have to put me into a new category. I am Asph, short for Asphalt, the stuff they make the streets from.

You might remember there was the incident at my son’s school where a boy was punched and knocked out. The good news is he survived, the bad news is he’s having trouble walking. He won’t be returning to the school and it won’t surprise you to learn that his parents are taking legal action.

You also might remember that my son, Nick, was punched in the head. Not by the boy who knocked that poor boy out – he is in an older grade – but by one of the younger lap dogs that runs with him. After the initial punch the boy who punched Nick was put on probation but has since committed other assaults against other kids. Yet he is still at the school. And he is still hassling Nick.

He’s smart though, conniving as most of these kids are – he’s got another kid to act as his henchman. And this gormless, hapless, not-the-full-quid of a kid thinks he’s a real hard case, telling Nick he’s going to kill him and push him down the stairs and blow up his house. You name it, he’s threatened he’s going to do it.

Now Nick is not a shrinking violet and can definitely stand up to this kid. Most of the time he doesn’t take it seriously but he is getting tired of the little henchman’s constant threats.

I have left the tackling of this issue to the school and for the most part they have handled it, but the fact that it is still going on in a very sneaky, underhanded way is really getting on my goat.

I picked Nick up from school on Monday and there had been another threat from the henchman. I could feel my blood pressure rising. Lo and behold as we were driving home Nick spotted him on the other side of the road as we were stopped at the lights. I couldn’t help myself, I called out to him: “Why are you always picking on Nick?” He didn’t answer, just looked at me vacantly, his knuckles practically dragging on the ground. I was incensed :”You odious little shit!” I called out, beeping the horn loudly before driving off.

Now this is where things get interesting. I don’t know if it was because I called him something he couldn’t understand like odious or used a word of more than one syllable like little; but he went home and told his parents that I had driven round the corner, swerved up on the kerb and had attempted to kill him.

The next day, without even consulting me first, Nick was hauled into the Principal’s office and accused of being a bully. You can imagine my reaction – TOTALLY FREAKING SPEECHLESS. I mean, what do you do or say to a turn of events like that?

Nick has put up with this kid for a whole term and because I asked him from the car why he is picking on my son he makes up an entire story that the school takes seriously. Flabbergasted doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel.

The Principal and I had a meeting this morning and I just let her have it. She knew the henchman was lying but it is protocol to take every complaint seriously. So they go through the procedure. Apparently the little henchman was absolutely terrified of me and cried all night. Apparently, I’m really, really tough. Oh yeah and I saw a cow jumping over the moon with some flying pigs.

Maybe I should go all gangsta on that kid’s ass. Maybe it’s the only thing he understands. First thing tomorrow I’m gonna get me some bling and a pimp hat. Then we’ll see what he’s really made of. Welcome to the ‘hood.