I have had two really good days in a row.
Two good days at work.
Nick has had a hassle free start to the term with the teachers clamping down on the bullies.
I have slept well, eaten well and been anxiety free.
My neighbours (those of the barking dogs) even said Hi to me as if I was a long lost friend.
My husband’s shop has picked up in trade despite the recession and threat of swine flu.
I should be happy to be getting a breather from all the stresses and strains, right?
Yet I remain suspicious that the planets are conspiring to hit me with something bad. That something will emerge from the dappled afternoon light and wrap its tremulous, sticky fingers around my throat.
It’s conditioning, I think. This lack of trust in the good. In a world gone mad with pessimistic subtext it can be hard to bask in full frontal joyfulness.
My sister always says: Enjoy the good times, cause they never last.
I wonder if thinking in a half positive way like that actually ensures the good times will end. I wonder if always leaving room for a negative possibility to show up means that it walks right through the door.
I wonder mostly about this taint in my heart that feels more comfortable with storm clouds overhead than pale white wisps of heaven in the blue sky.
I think I need an attitude readjustment, a grease and oil change for my psyche. Maybe I need to allow myself to believe that it’s all right for things to go well; that perhaps my bad luck has run its course and the karmic wheel has turned with a positive spin in my direction.
Something has shifted. It’s as if the teacher finally got around to cleaning all that laborious text off the blackboard and has just left it there waiting for someone to write something. Something new.
Something like –
It’s a good day today.
And that’s O.K.