So my husband and I are caught in the middle of someone else’s domestic drama. It is quite surreal. Our long term friend, Donny, is a musician and looks the way you would imagine a musician would – tall, thin in a kind of I’m-a-struggling-artist way; pale face, dark eyes, full, petulant lips. I always think of him as a cross between Mick Jagger and that pretty boy vampire from Twilight.
Donny is in a relationship, has been for the past three years, but sometimes he does not conduct himself as if he is committed to someone else. This became apparent last weekend when his girlfriend, Sophie, rang us in tears over some text messages he’d received from another woman.
I don’t know Sophie all that well. She keeps to herself most of the time. Many of the experiences I have had with her have been unfortunate in that they have involved her having a spat with Donny. Their relationship sometimes appears volatile and dysfunctional. Yet it also appears loving.
So onto the texts. As well as being a working musician, Donny also runs a successful IT business. The texts in question came from one of his clients. I didn’t see all of them but the ones I did see ran along the lines of:
How’s it going, sexy?
Loved that shirt you were wearing
and the damning
Can’t wait to see you again
Not exactly an I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours type of thing, but suspicious nonetheless.
I don’t think I would be entirely comfortable if my husband received texts like that.
Sophie is now convinced that Donny is cheating on her. The problem is that no one knows if he sent any suggestive texts back. The other problem is that texts taken out of context can often appear more damaging than they actually are.
This whole thing got me thinking, though. About chat rooms and Facebook and other forms of social media. And how easy it can be to get in touch with people you shouldn’t.
The question the whole thing raises is exactly what is it that constitutes cheating? Is receiving an inappropriate text enough? Does it signify intent or merely poor judgement?
Donny isn’t talking. I wish he would. It would stop Sophie from ringing me every day. It’s not really my business, after all. I am uncomfortable with people who pull friends into their domestic dramas. I like to help when I can, but I object when my presence merely heightens the emotion.
I don’t like to think of anyone in distress, but there is very little I can do until Donny comes clean. So for now it’s a case of OPP – Other People’s Problems. And I need to step back.