The poets write of it.
The singers sing of it.
Romeo experienced it with Rosaline.
Juliet experienced it with Paris.
It’s the classic case of wanting what you can’t have. A superficial and passive kind of love.
I experienced a few moments of unrequited love in my teens. You know how the story goes. Nerdy features editor of the school paper falls for the monosyllabic captain of the football team. She dreams of being swept up in his big, strong muscular arms; he dreams of her doing his English homework, free, for an entire year.
The thing with unrequited love is that usually it ends. With a crash. We see the light steadily shining in our faces. In my case it happened when I couldn’t convince the footballer that onomatopoeia didn’t involve actual peeing on a mat. It was all over for me at that point.
But sometimes unrequited love doesn’t end as it should. And a situation develops that is fraught with problems.
One of my husband’s friends has a crush on me. He is single and has been ever since I’ve known him. When I first heard about the crush (told to me by a mutual friend) I was flattered but didn’t really think any more of it. I thought it was one of those things that people say sort of in a joking way when they find someone else attractive but have no intention of taking it any further.
The problem is that this guy has taken it further in a kind of creepy way. For a while he would pop over unannounced when he knew my husband wasn’t in. He has always been quite respectful – no sleazy remarks or anything like that but he has been what I would refer to as overly attentive.
Then there are the emails and the phone calls. Enough to feel like I’m being pestered. Many of which contain inappropriate content for a single guy talking to a married woman.
I have quite a few close male friends and one of the things I like about them is that we can be great mates regardless of our gender and there’s never any hint of anything sexual or otherwise. I think it’s a mark of immaturity and lack of sensitivity when a man makes a nuisance of himself in that way with a woman whom he knows is married. And who is not encouraging him in any way.
The whole thing was really beginning to bother me so I told my husband about it. He already knew about the pop ins and had been instrumental in stopping them, but the emails led to a blow-up between he and his supposed friend and they are not talking at the moment.
I’m annoyed that it has come to this. It’s fine to admire someone from afar but when you actively try and influence the way they feel about you it can only end in tears.
Unrequited love. It’s the stuff of soap operas and teenage fantasies. Sometimes you just have to grow up.
It’s so sad that it came to that point. Friendship is a blessing, but when something like that happens, then sometimes the only recourse is to let it go.
I hope this fellow can let you go as well.
Well that is disappointing mainly because this guy obviously didn’t think enough of your husband and his friendship to keep things with you on an appropriate level. Maybe making sure he was never alone with you would have been the better course to take.
Ouch. A far from ideal situation. I hope your husband and his friend can resolve things in some way, although I doubt things will ever be the same as before.
I agree with Gypsy, he obviously wasn’t much of a friend to your husband to be so disrespectful. I don’t get people who try to mess up marriages, I don’t care about the reasons. Marriage is too much work to have outsiders messing it up, the insiders usually do a good enough job doing that.
you’re right, he’s just gotta grow up, attraction can crop up unexpectedly in inappropriate places but grown ups should just be able to live with it….
Some people view friendship differently to us, I’m afraid. They have no concept of loyalty or even integrity. It’s a shame it has come to this, but obviously I am irresistible. 😆
On one level it amuses me because I am hardly the femme fatale type, but on another I find it quite insulting to be treated this way. What did he think? That I was going to jump into bed with him. Uh, no.
I hope they can but at the moment it’s difficult. It does make things very awkward.
Oh, Amen. Marriage is hard enough without any external interference. What I think it is is that this guy has very little experience with women, despite his age, so because I am chatty and nice to him it has given him the wrong impression. Some men even in their 40s are quite emotionally immature.
So true. We do come across people we are attracted to from time to time but we aren’t kids anymore and shouldn’t act on every little impulse. I would never have expected this to happen. Life is never dull, that’s for sure.
I knew this would happen. It was just getting more and more awkward. I think you were really good about it considering how much it was getting to you. What a loser.
Kind of creepy, kind of rude but at the same time, nice to be fancied from afar (although this didn’t continue here) all the same. Your husband is a lucky man Sel. No duels at dawn but that would be for another time I guess. 😉 ahhhh…the way that things were settled in the “old days” eh!
sel – obviously you are incredibly sweet and adorable, but even the most clueless of us men should realize quickly enough that a traditionally true person like yrself would not abide by any “extracurriculars”. time to grow up indeed.
On a lighter note, your word play on “onomotopoeia” was pretty funny!
Yeah. Yeah. OK. OK.
But can you really blame him?
You’re a jewel. Deal with it.
Well, I don’t blame him. You are a catch 😉 And who wouldn’t want to be with you because you are so fantastic. I guess, keep it as a compliment and what the others say is correct – he wasn’t that good of a friend to your hubby.
Happened tp me once … at first, I was rather flattered, and then, when it verged on stalking, got annoying, to say the least.
I know. Some people just can’t take a hint.
I liked the glove-slapping. Remember that one? ‘You have besmirched my honour, you bounder. Take that!’ Those were the days!
You are kind to say that. There definitely was a fair degree of cluelessness going on. And self-delusion.
That is actually a true story. First of all, I couldn’t convince him it was a real word and then he wouldn’t believe it wasn’t all about peeing on a mat. Thank God he could kick a ball or he would have been done for 😆
Too kind of you to say so. 😀
It was the whole disloyalty thing that really got to me. Not cool at all.
That’s what I have experienced. It becomes really unpalatable, doesn’t it? To actually BE stalked must be terrifying!
I have never been able to comprehend exactly what is going on in someone’s mind when they keep insisting on building up a relationship with a woman who is obviously uninterested. I’ve had a couple of “admirers” like that and the only thing I’ve grown to feel for them is pity and contempt.
I agree this shows immaturity and lack of sensitivity, but I also believe it means lack of personal dignity and, above all, lack of respect for the other person.
I couldn’t agree more. It is unfathomable. There is a huge lack of respect at play which is quite unnerving. It has left me feeling very uncomfortable and awkward. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. Thank you so much for your input and for stopping by. I appreciate it!
Frankly, I think you and your husband are better off NOT talking to him anymore. Obviously he has issues that are invading YOUR life and you should not have to be pestered or be creeped out by that man.
there’s a thin line between unrequited love….and stalking
I feel better now that it’s all out in the open. It was making me very uneasy. You just never know how far some people are going to take things, you know?
Oh, definitely. It’s a little unnerving, actually. Some people just can’t take ‘no’ for an answer.