Only In Fair Weather

I was blanked by a friend of mine this morning in the park. It is horrible when people you know well, have known well for ten years, pretend they haven’t seen you and rush off as if they have left something on the stove.

I have literally scraped this woman off of her kitchen floor after mishaps with booze and drugs on more than one occasion. I have held her hand when her father was ill, offered a shoulder when her relationships with men have crumbled and had her kids stay over so she could go out – single again in her forties – and have a life.

Yet when I told her 6 months ago I was so depressed I wasn’t sure I could go on, I didn’t see her again until today. Whereupon she blanked me.

Fair weather friends, eh?

People can be so perplexing.

Makes me want to become a hermit.

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14 thoughts on “Only In Fair Weather

  1. I almost smiled when I finished reading about your “friend”. My post today is on much the same subject: friends who never really were friends in the first place. Yes, my blog-friend, just how do we handle such situations?

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  2. But, Selma, this is so understandable. She simply feels guilty because she realizes how much you did for her and how little or nothing she did in return. She might even feel ashamed of herself. I believe this has nothing really to do with you, it’s her embarrassment with her own behaviour. Often people for whom you have sacrificed yourself will shun you because of the obligation they feel to “pay back” although you never asked for anything (or maybe just because of that).
    You did your best and that’s her problem.

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  3. You can count me in, re: the hermit idea. I feel like that on a lot of days. It’s even worse when people you THOUGHT you knew, let you down (and for no reason). I am so sorry about this incident but perhaps there was a reason it happened. Obviously, this is not a person you can trust or confide in.

    Another thought, you are sure she saw you, right? I have made that mistake myself, or said something that someone didn’t hear (I’m a soft speaker!) and I mistook it for being snubbed. I’m grasping at straws here probably. I’m sure you considered this already. 😦

    So sad Sel, so sad….hugs dear. You have so many true friends, remember that on days like this.

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  4. MARY:
    It’s a tough one, isn’t it? At the back of my mind I did consider the possibility that she might not have seen me, but our eyes did meet for an instant and I was about to say ‘Hello’ and she just disappeared. Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she didn’t really see me.

    SHIONA:
    WOW. How insightful you are. I think there is a great deal of truth in what you say. I can see how she would feel bad for not offering any support to me but you know what? I understand how hard it is to broach the tough subjects with friends. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Thanks once again for a brilliant comment!

    GERALDINE:
    All things considered I know she saw me. Ouch! In her defense, I do think I go on a bit sometimes. She’s probably sick of me blabbing on. C’est la vie!

    PAUL:
    Hermitness does sound good. I’ll get a pipe and an old copy of The Tempest which I’ll act out in the shadows of my cave, playing every part myself. The acoustics will be brilliant. πŸ˜†

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  5. ‘I was blanked by a friend of mine this morning in the park”.

    Confession: when I first read your opening line, I took ‘blanked’ to be a euphemism; so I thought I was about to reada bawdy bacchanalia tale of sapphic ribaldry. πŸ™‚

    DavidM
    I sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling down.

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  6. Friend, if you’re reading this, take note!

    DEPRESSION ISN’T CONTAGIOUS!

    Or, are you maybe a little frightened that you’ll do or say the wrong thing?

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  7. I’m inclined to agree with Shiona on this. Sometimes we want to do the right thing and be a good friend and we don’t. She may be feeling guilty, ashamed or embarrassed at her own behaviour. I’m sorry she wasn’t there for you in the first place and for whatever reason, blanked you.

    I know how disappointed and crushed you must feel but I hope you draw comfort from the fact that many people do love you including me.

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  8. IRON FIST:
    There is definitely an element of suckage to it. No question. But what can you do? I sometimes find it hard to figure out why people act the way they do.

    DAVID:
    If only I had the skills to write such a tale. That is so funny. For some reason it makes me think of silver platters bulging with grapes…
    Lately, I haven’t been feeling too bad, but when I saw her I was taken aback. Thanks for the giggle πŸ˜†

    TRAVELRAT:
    She was probably worried she wouldn’t know what to say. It is hard to talk about the tougher subjects sometimes. But yes – IT’S NOT CONTAGIOUS!!!

    GYPSY:
    I love you too. Very much. You are a wonderful person and have cheered me up a great deal. As everyone has today. A million thank yous XXX

    NAT:
    Amen. You are right on with that one!

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  9. People do disappoint. It always amazes me, floors me when this happens…i’m sorry. I’m sorry she would let such a good friend slip out of her hands….maybe it is best for you that she walked on by…

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  10. When I read that you were blanked – I was like what? But as I read on I understood and then as I was reading the comment I was going to say something similar to SHIONA! I love the one too – depression is not contagious – I can say that I almost felt like telling some so called friends that cancer is not contagious. I had a few of my good friends tell me that some friends that I thought were friends just don’t know what to say or do when you drop a bomb like depression or cancer on them. I’m sure that may be true but I also believe that a true friend will be there no matter what – sometimes you just need your friends there not to talk about it but to distract you from what you are going through!

    People are strange! And me too sometimes I feel like becoming a hermit! Anyways I think you are awesome – I’ll never blank you!

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  11. HURRICANE:
    The funny thing is that I’m not really that mad at her because I understand that she has been uncomfortable with some of the things I have gone through, lately, and she’d probably rather not know about them. And that’s cool with me. Facing the big issues is hard and sometimes we’re just not up to it. I get that. I’m disappointed but I do see why she did it.

    TBALL:
    Likewise. No blanking of you EVER. You hit on a very good point there – sometimes all we need is for our friends just to sit with us and chat about random stuff. It really helps!!

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