Sicker Than You

I have been under the weather, sick as a dog for the past few days with a stomach flu. I say flu rather than bug because it wasn’t just digestive issues (which I won’t fill you in on because believe me – GROSS) that I experienced. I also had muscular aches and pains and a pounding headache that just wouldn’t go away. Thankfully, due to the wonders of flat lemonade, Powerade and toast, I am now feeling better.

I always find it amusing when you run into someone after you’ve been sick who just has to regale you with tales of their recent illnesses. I have come across people who were so sick and experienced such horrible bodily meltdowns they would have put Linda Blair in The Exorcist to shame. The underlying point of these tales is to prove that indisputably, they were sicker than me. Sicker than I could ever hope to be.

When you are sick or are recovering from being sick the last thing you want to hear is how your neighbour had the very same flu and puked so much she cracked the toilet bowl or that she saw something in the puke that she later found out by looking on the internet could have been part of her large intestine. Ewwww. Why do some people have to exaggerate so much? Is there a sickness charter everyone is following but me? Is there an unspoken agreement between sick people that they try and outdo one another with the severity of their symptoms so they get into the Guinness Book of Records or something? Does the over-competitiveness I see everywhere even extend into sickness?

Today I know three things.

Number One. I haven’t had a coffee for three days. Me, the coffee-aholic.

Number Two. I haven’t eaten chocolate for those same three days. (This can’t be happening…)

Number Three. I need to go and lie down.

So for now, I reserve the right to be sicker than you.