The sky is a clear blue today. If I could fly in it there is no doubt I would land with patches of blue dressing my skin. This is the sky Irving Berlin wrote Blue Skies about. It inspires songs and poetry.
It is amazing that the external world can be as pretty as a picturebook while the internal world can be dark and churning as a storm at sea. It is equally amazing how people can appear to have let the sins and slights of the past go; they can even say they are forgotten; yet with the tiniest provocation they return, dropping out of that flawless blue sky like poisoned arrows.
It is my husband’s birthday tomorrow. A significant one. He will be 50.
I had wanted to have a birthday dinner for him with my family but they have been difficult to pin down. These people – who rarely go out on weekends suddenly have incredibly busy schedules. He is their son-in-law, brother-in-law, they have known him for over twenty years, but it seems his fiftieth birthday is unimportant to them. I know where it comes from – there are plenty of pot stirrers and troublemakers in my family just as there are in every family – but it saddens me. This year more than anything, I had wanted a fresh start. I had wanted to walk free of all the sniping and griping clustering at my feet.
A friend of mine afforded me the greatest compliment the other day. She said that I can see my flaws and try to correct them. That I will admit when I have made a mistake and do everything in my power to fix it and not do it again. It is important for me to constantly grow as a person, to move forward. It makes me happy that someone can see and acknowledge the path I am on.
Unfortunately, my family do not seem to be on the same path. They cannot forgive someone whose only crime was to tell them the truth about themselves.
Some people do not see themselves when they look in the mirror.
Some people would not see the clarity of the sky even if catapaulted towards it on a magic harness.
These are things that have to be accepted in others.
Raging against them is pointless.
It is sad, but the glory of the sky lessens the bite of it.
Today I am thankful that it is everywhere I look.