Zen Tones

Occasionally I engage in a bit of meditation. One of the odd character traits that assails me is a kind of scattered attention span. I have been told by the medical fraternity that it is a result of long-term depression but I think it is as result of too much T.V. and too many Danielle Steel novels as a teenager. Whatever the cause, it does prevent me from getting things done. I am the Queen of the Beginnings and the lowly pawn of Endings. I wouldn’t be surprised if my epitaph read something along the lines of : She finally finished something.

Not being able to master endings causes me a lot of anxiety and I suspect makes those close to me convinced I am a little flaky. Several friends constantly say that I waste my talents by just f**king around. They are right.

Recently I have been exploring the joys of meditation. For the longest time I have regarded meditation as a bit of new age mumbo jumbo designed for hippies and all those self help addicts with too much time for self-exploration on their hands.

But I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Meditation is an amazing way to find your focus.

I bought a meditation tape at the markets.

I also downloaded a few programs from iTunes.

Once you get past the abundance of pan pipes and waves lapping on the shore, there is a lot of peace of mind to be gained from the act of meditation.

But one thing has happened that I didn’t expect.

The people who read the meditations have these incredible voices. Gentle tones. Serene. Totally zen. Dare I say it, mellifluous.

They are not your typical broadcasting, radio voices, but they make an impact, nonetheless.

I covet the sexy serene meditation voice. It is like syrup on glass.

The sexy meditation voice has the breathiness of Marilyn Monroe.

The velvet intonation of Joanna Lumley.

And the dreaminess of Keira Knightley.

I want a voice like that. I want people to feel like they are a waterlily floating down a river when they hear me speak.

I want people to say : OMG whenever I hear her speak I feel so relaxed. It’s like lying on a beach being caressed by a hundred feathers.

I’ve listened to myself on tape. Right now I sound like Joan Crawford in the wire hangers scene from Mommie Dearest.

Or Bette Davis on crack.

But all is not lost. I have the perfect meditation to recite to help me gain that which I covet.

I am a peaceful soul ………….

My mind is filled with peace …………..

I radiate peace to the world ……………

I feel the gentle waves of peace flowing across my mind ………

And I have a kick ass, sexy meditation voice.

Om……

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21 thoughts on “Zen Tones

  1. ‘Joan Crawford in the wire hangers scene from Mommie Dearest’. As mush as I love your writing, please do not call me on the phone!
    Love this blog. Will read again a few times and try to get myself back to meditating regularly as I once did with great effect and still do but only in the dentist’s waiting room! Can’t face the needle before meditation.

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  2. I love this Selma and giggled at your description of your voice on tape, I know what you mean, I would make people run for cover rather than relax if my own assessment of my voice on tape is accurate! 😉

    I too love those beautiful meditation voices and the relaxion they bring, unfortunately, I really don’t have one of those voices!

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  3. Hi LAURI:
    I can see that epitaph happening, for sure. And even though I won’t be around it will make me laugh 😆

    Hi MELEAH:
    It does help. You don’t even need to listen to music. I feel quite calm afterwards.

    Hi STAFFORD:
    Hahaha. It is good to relax the mind before a traumatic event like the dentist’s or a bikini wax. Invaluable ❗

    Hi SUSANNAH:
    I don’t think we really hear ourselves properly on tape, do we? I just love those meditation voices. So soothing. I wonder if they talk like that all the time!

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  4. Ha! Millyfluffyflofluf pfft pfft pah.

    As for me, I covet Cate Blanchett’s voice. I could listen to her speak all day. She is truly magnificent. Or millyfluffy, I suppose.

    Selma, I am so much like you. I have so many great ideas but I never finish them either. Paintings where I just need to finish the scaling on a bird’s feet, or add a shadow to the background; novels that I have finished writing, have rewritten umpteen times, and now want to change a plot device that calls for another major rewrite. Internet business projects… you wouldn’t believe what I have tucked in my Grand Scheme Ideas folders.

    I have also recently experienced the usefulness of concerted focus. I try to limit myself to one project at a time (although my definition of “at a time” is very fluid ;-). Right now it has seemed most important that I get my ebook/course redone and relaunched. This is something I’ve been “working on” (i.e., not doing) since January. This month I discovered and decided that the first week in July would be the ideal time to relaunch. Yikes. I’m now shoving all the work I didn’t do all year into a few weeks and the sudden intense focus is electrifying. So I’m going with this momentum while I have it.

    My mantra is “Don’t think about it; just do it.”

    BTW, have you come across Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits blog? (zenhabits.net)

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  5. Hi DAOINE:
    We are two peas in a pod. Actually, that makes me feel less alone. It’s all good. You have described my life/ work habits to a tee. I like your mantra very much. It is the thinking about things that holds things up, I suspect. Best of luck with the e-book project. I know you’ll get it done.

    And thanks for the link. I’ll check it out.

    JUST DO IT ☆

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  6. Bonus marks for using mellifluous…

    I had a mediation tape. I used to like it. But then guy’s voice… damn.. it used to make me crazy. LOL.

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  7. This made me choke on my coffee it was so funny! Unfortunately I’m allergic to meditation but I do appreciate that it is a fantastic thing for most people who do it. My sister does chanting and one of my brothers has been meditating for years to good effect. Can we have an audio please, so we can judge your voice for ourselves – ‘Bette Davis on crack’ bwahahahahahaha

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  8. Oh wow – what a hoot.

    Some of us just aren’t blessed with the sultry voice. Poor Redbeard. Until 5 yrs ago over the intercom they still asked him, “Would you like fries with that, Ma’am?” Me? I sound like Mickey Mouse – on fast forward. Our children don’t have a prayer. 😛

    I don’t care for the pan pipe meditations, but crashing waves. Ahhhhh….. usually though, I like to meditate out in nature or even just go to my room when all is quiet – that’s when I can really hear myself. 😉

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  9. Hi NAT:
    Mellifluous is one of my fave words. I am working hard on my vocal exercises so that people have no choice but to use it when referring to my speaking voice. Ha ha ha. That is hilarious about the meditation guy’s voice 😆

    Hi GABRIELLE:
    I’m not sure I can do the chanting. I would laugh. It reminds me too much of Edina in Absolutely Fabulous saying: ‘I’m chanting as we speak.’ Actually, I am not completely convinced meditation and I are a good fit. I just want the sexy meditation voice. 😉

    Hi AINE:
    So nice to refer to you by your beautiful first name. As you know I have a cousin named Aine – it is one of my favourite names. That is so funny about Redbeard. In his defence I have to say that intercoms can sometimes alter the pitch of our voice. However, it is a classic story. Love it!

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  10. Don’t knock the voice … some of our best TV commercials have Scottish voice-overs.

    As for meditation … I have tried it, but went to sleep, instead. Suppose that was nearly as good.

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  11. I’ve studied meditation a lot, and as I see it, it is something to take into all of life. As for my voice, if only I could do something about the accent … 🙂

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  12. Meditation can be a very important aspect of our daily lives. Having said that…I’ll digress.
    I have always found women with Aussie , New Zealand , Irish and British accents to be very sexy. Something about those accents…and the words like …Hon, sweets, doll…etc..
    O.k. time for bed.

    Sometimes when I quiet my mind , I feel like I have lost my best friend. My Buddhist friends get a kick out of this.

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  13. Hi TRAVELRAT:
    It sends me to sleep too. Don’t know if that’s a good thing. Must be better than sleeping pills, I guess.

    Hi ANTHONY:
    You and me both. All that och-ing and aye-ing isn’t conducive to a meditative state 😆

    Hi PUNATIK:
    I know exactly what you mean. Those voices in my head keep me company. I like a nice, lilting Irish accent myself. Very soothing!

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  14. What a great, jam-packed post! I also felt for many years that meditation was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. In reality, it can be so helpful in getting us to a focused and balanced place where we can actually finish what we start, among other benefits. The not finishing things, I’m glad you mentioned that, I have problems with that too, it’s usually due to project overload. Then, I try to step back, write a list of what I really want to accomplish 1, 2…and go from there. Without that list, I find it overwhelming too and often dont get anything at all done! Balance baby, it’s all about balance.

    OMMMMM right back to you!!! 😉

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  15. Kudos to you — meditation is tough! I have a helluva time trying to quiet my mind. And it’s interesting what you said about your attention span and TV. My attention span is roughly 25 minutes, exactly the length of time of all those sitcoms I watched as a kid. Coincidence? I think not.

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  16. Hi RACHEL:
    Oh, absolutely. For many years I wanted to be the heroine in a Danielle Steel novel – all that angst appealed to my melancholy heart. Hahaha.

    Hi GERALDINE:
    Balance baby, it’s all about balance. Yeah, yeah YEAH. That’s it. And you’re right. The lists really do help. I am a big fan of lists.

    Hi KATE:
    Oh yeah. I blame Bewitched and The Brady Bunch for all my problems. Not to mention Gilligan’s Island. 😆

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  17. I think we would all use some meditation. Probably just once or twice a week which could help us unwind and bring down the stress levels that we are all subjected to.

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  18. Hi ROSHAN:
    That’s why I am doing it. Sometimes my stress levels feel like they are getting out of hand. It is good to have something that can calm me down.

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