The thing I am most grateful for right now is surviving this year.
I don’t know who is responsible for that – thoughts of family and friends crowd my head. Of blue skies and sun-drenched mornings. Of birds that look at me through the window like they know me. Of songs that still create the same ache in my heart year after year. Of the stories of writers I love. Of the poets – ah, the poets – you have saved my life more times than I have seen the last light of the day and you don’t even know it. You are the tellers of the truth.
A while ago it was dark. In my room. In my head. I couldn’t hear anything but the wind pounding in my ears. It reminded me of the swish of seashells held to ears, as if another world lurked inside.
There was an hour in that dark that was darker than the dark where I thought that if I closed my eyes I would sleep forever and not see the morning light ever again. It was touch and go. I was held in the fists of the gods of the night. I could feel their power dragging me further and further into the shadows.
But I held on, loosening their grip with my shoulders until the light from the morning split the dark in two. I saw the mirror in the hallway, speckled with light and the remnants of shadow. There was no reflection but the light and shadow suggested an image that maybe wasn’t an image at all but a memory of every reflection caught and held.
And I knew in that moment that the gods of the night couldn’t have me just yet; that there was too much in this world I couldn’t say goodbye to.
And I knew that there is so much more to know and feel and be.
And I knew that the magic doesn’t fail unless you let it.
So I would like to say to whoever is responsible.
With complete sincerity.
Thank you for this day.
It is all I need.