On Friday I learned my former brother-in-law’s sister had passed away.
58 years old and she just dropped dead from a stroke while she was out shopping with her daughter.
I didn’t know it but she had extremely high blood pressure. Dangerously high. She wasn’t taking her medication.
Krissy and I have remained friends since my sister divorced her brother nearly ten years ago. Her brother is one of the most horrible, unreasonable people I have ever met and she is one of the loveliest. It was sometimes hard to believe they were related by blood.
I kept the fact that I used to meet Krissy for coffee and art gallery visits quiet. My sister was very odd about it on the one occasion I mentioned it to her and accused me of being disloyal to her. Krissy’s brother said the same thing to her. But it wasn’t a question of loyalty or taking sides or anything like that. We just liked each other’s company. We were like-minded people.
There are a lot more rivulets leading off from the main divorce river than you realise. My friend Gina was really close to her ex-husband’s grandmother. She really loved her. LOVED. And now her ex has made it quite clear she cannot see his grandmother ever again.
Another friend of mine was in a defacto relationship where his partner’s children lived with him(and his partner) for more than 15 years. He met his stepdaughter when she was 3 years old. She thought he was her Dad.
Now he and his partner have split and he is not allowed to see his stepdaughter anymore. ‘She is not technically your stepdaughter, anyway – we were never married’, is something he is constantly reminded of.
So much sadness surrounding this type of thing.
It is very hard to never see people you liked ever again. Ever.
I know it can be complicated when divorce or separation steps in, but why can’t all those parties who were friends before remain so? I really don’t know why it can’t happen.
Krissy’s daughter called my sister three days after the funeral. I would have liked to attend the funeral but it seems that Krissy kept the fact she and I met up every few months quiet even from her daughter.
I have been to the church since but it saddened me I couldn’t pay my final respects.
Krissy kept a few things quiet. Her doctor had warned her that if she didn’t get her blood pressure under control she would have a stroke. The medication made her extremely nauseated, so much so that she couldn’t function on a day-to-day basis. I wish she had persisted, I wish she had found a regimen that worked.
Now here is a part of the story you won’t believe.
On the day Krissy died a 29-year old woman was admitted to the intensive care unit of the hospital in the same suburb where Krissy lived. The 29-year old had terminal lung cancer. She was told she needed a lung transplant within a week or she would die.
Krissy was an organ donor.
The 29-year old woman now has Krissy’s lungs and her prognosis is looking good. She has three children under five who now have a better chance of growing up with their Mum.
That’s the circle of life, right there.
Makes you think, doesn’t it?