We’re caught in a trap
I can’t get out
Because I love you too much, baby
Elvis sang about it in Suspicious Minds. Feeling trapped. Feeling scared. A prisoner of love.
It seems like I am talking a lot about domestic violence and love gone wrong these days but I am pleased to relay to you all a good news story regarding this most horrible of issues.
MY SISTER HAS LEFT HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND.
Can I get a fist pump and an AMEN?
She won’t talk about exactly what happened. I would’ve thought being threatened with an axe would’ve made her leave (and she didn’t) so the mind boggles as to what he actually did this time to make her say: Enough is ENOUGH.
She is living for the moment with my parents and although things are still strained between all of us I am really glad.
She spoke many times of a sense of being trapped, of loving too much, of thinking her love would change things, but as we all know freeing ourselves from a love trap can be the most difficult thing in the world to do. I am proud of her for finally getting out.
A weird thing has happened, however. I am feeling an unbridled sense of empathy for her ex. I have actively despised this man for a long time, so what I am feeling is disconcerting, to say the least.
But here’s the thing. What a terrible life he’s had. You really wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. His mother walked out on the family when he was 6 years old and he was raised for 2 years by an abusive father until he was abandoned to the foster care system at age 8. He went to a new school every 6 months as he was moved around from house to house and left school at 15 with no qualifications. He bummed around for a few years – drinking and taking drugs – until he was in a severe hit and run accident which left him with all the money he has. Compensation for a life barely lived? I don’t think so.
He’s cashed up with his own home but he isn’t happy. He’s an alcoholic and a drug addict who can’t keep his demons at bay. My sister believes he will now drink himself to death, that he may be dead in as little as three months. And no one on our side of the fence will try and stop him due to his past behaviour.
I cried last night for a man who has caused my family so much pain. I cried for his pain. For the uneven sum of his life. It just seems like a life lived for no reason at all with so little joy in it that all you can do is gasp when you really and truly think about it.
I’m glad my sister got out, but I’m not glad for the rest of it. Even when you feel they deserve it, it is hard to see someone underlining their pain.