Panic And Goodness

The Oxford Dictionary defines panic as :  a sudden uncontrollable fear or alarm or infectious fright

I saw this piece of street art in the midst of a state of  panic and felt it was pertinent to me with its slightly greenish hues and face dripping with paint. I wonder if the artist knew at the time that he would mirror my situation perfectly.

I haven’t been able to write or do much of anything for the past couple of weeks because I have been panic-stricken. It has been hell, there is no way of sugar coating it. Hell on anxiety-shaped wheels.

We have been trying to sell our stake in my husband’s former business and I have been shocked, blindsided and thrown over the edge into the well by the game-playing, backstabbing and out and out bastardry that has gone on. The past two weeks have made me realise that when it comes to certain business dealings many people have an internal corrupt corporate banker just waiting to get out.

Our percentage was valued at a fair price – we wouldn’t have been rich but it would have meant we could have segued into another venture quite easily – but that original figure was slashed, pillaged and burned so much that now we will get what you might expect from selling your five year old car at auction. To a bunch of car salesman sharks.

It has been a sobering experience. The hardest thing about it has been the sense of powerlessness we have felt. We can’t not sell our part of the business because we have no money and in a sense are completely backed into a corner. So we put out our hands, let the thumb screws be applied, and took a fire sale price.

I had a moment while it was all going down. A bit of a why- is- this- happening- after- all- that- work moment. A bit of a how- many- knockbacks- is- one- person- expected- to- take moment. A bit of a loss of faith in the universe moment.

I got through it. It’s a miracle that I did, but I am now feeling I can deal with whatever other pus-encrusted crap the universe decides to throw at me. At first I didn’t realise how I got through it. Or why. And then it hit me.

Goodness. The goodness of others. People caring. People being there. People giving a damn. That’s what got me through.

It’s not just the phone calls, the emails, the coming over with emergency chocolate that has got me through; the indirect goodness has also helped. Funny things on Twitter. Podcasts that have lifted my spirits. Blog posts that have had nothing to do with me at all but have shown me there are more good people out there than bad. (I read a blog post last week about a woman who had rescued a dog that was close to death and now the dog is all better and all jolly and a part of the family. That made me happy cry all week and rejoice that such goodness existed….)

Goodness. We should celebrate it more than we do. It is so much more powerful than badness. It is birdsong at dawn, it is the fresh smell of rain on wet earth, it is tiny flowers blooming. Goodness. The best antidote to panic.

60 thoughts on “Panic And Goodness”

  1. My dear friend, I am so sorry to hear you’re going through such a horrific time. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you…I was busy ignoring the Universe telling me to do so. How I wish I had listened.

    But I’m very happy you have been cradled in goodness, and I’m even happier that you’ve shared that with us, even in your time of strife. Thank you for your strength in being able to do so.

    Many hugs to you.

    Karen

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  2. My Grandma used to say that bad things happen to bring out the good in people, and I think maybe she’s right. I have a friend who works for FEMA, who is deeply religious, and said, after Hurricane Katrina that he believes these things are indeed sent to try us.

    Chin up, lass! You’ve got more friends than you’ve got enemies!

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    1. Your Grandma was so right, Travelrat. This entire experience has taught me a lot. I could have done without the anxiety surrounding it but I definitely feel like a better person for having gone through it!

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  3. yeah I feel your pain Selma and its probably why going into business with other people is to be avoided at all costs. That said you are probably better off out of it at a loss rather than staying in business with people who act like that.
    Good luck into the future though.

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    1. Business changes people, Iain. I have learned that the hard way – but I am grateful for the lesson. I am also incredibly grateful for your support!!

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  4. I’m so sorry that you have had to travel through such a terrible time, and deal with the terrible people who live there. I know it hurts, but I’m glad you are out of it now and can rebuild without having to watch your back lest someone tries to stab it. Good luck as you move forward. I think it’s your turn to have good fortune come to you, so keep your eyes open and be ready to catch it. We wouldn’t want you knocked ass over tea kettle by a ginormous hunk of good fortune falling on you. 😉 Big hugs!

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    1. That’s all I need, Patti, to be crushed by a big hunk of good luck. You are so hilarious to say that. I can’t tell you how much your support has meant to me !!!

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  5. I am so with you on this one Selma. I think because we are caring souls who deep down want to believe in the inherent good in man, it hits us extra hard when we discover there are some unbelieveable a#%holes in the world! My heart aches for you and your husband, life at times seems incredibly unfair, in fact I beleive it is. BUT, just as you have realized once again, our salvation is in the inherent goodness in most people, the caring, the exchange of love and laughter, the little things that make a difference. The being there for each other. I do not know why God is allowing this huge struggle in your lives at the moment, but if you believe strongly in each other, you will find your way to something even better in the end. You are a survivor, remember? No one and nothing can take that away from you! Sending big hugs, and healing energy your way! XOXO, Josie

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    1. That’s it, Josie. That’s what has hit me so hard. I do believe in the good in people so when I am hit with callousness and a lack of compassion I find it very hard to deal with. But I think something even better is on the way. Your wisdom is so valuable to me xxxxx

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  6. Selma,I;m really sorry to hear things went south so quickly. It’s a terrible wake up call to those of use who want to believe in the inherent goodness and fairness of the world and then we are unceremoniously turned on our ear. It has to get better, in fact it already has cos even at a loss,your out of the bitterness and mean spiritedness and free of it while they’re trapped in their own nastiness

    What goes around comes around and while I wouldn’t wish ill will on them, cos that would be just as bad karma wise, I know there will come a day when they have to either answer to it or have it turned around on them.

    And one of your commentors is right. Even though it won’t put food on your table, you do indeed have loads more friends than enemies!

    Take care my friend and chin up to look for the next sign on your travels that will inspire you!
    xo

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    1. I think they’re in for a big dose of bad karma, Cathy. It is amazing to me how mean-spirited some people can be and that they actually think they will get away with it unscathed. The karmic wheel can spin pretty fast sometimes. Your support and kind words are awesome. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

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  7. It seems like I have returned in time to offer my good thoughts for you as well. I’m sorry you have been so badly treated. Don’t we all have a story to tell about being blindsided by crooked, cheating, and lying people. Oh my! But your goodness is seeing the boomerang effect as it returns to you from the many corners of the world. Stay strong.

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    1. You did return at the right time, writingfeemail. YAY. Your comment is so true. Everyone has a story that has left them feeling a little disillusioned but staying strong and not giving up is the key to overcoming the nastiness. Thank you for your wise words!!

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  8. I hope you and your husband can remain strong through this trial. The strength of that parnership, rather than any business partnership, is what will see you through whatever life throws at you. May you now have a time of peace so you can regroup your forces for the next skirmish.

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    1. So many people are unscrupulous these days, slpmartin. I just don’t get it. Surely it’s not the way business should be conducted. Thank you for your support!

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  10. Hey gal, I’m glad you got mad … sounds like a real stinker of a bad mess. There are some real jerks out there ~ but some real sweet hearts, too, and they will all show up at some time! Be wise

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  11. I’ve been thinking about you in your absence, worried about you. Your conclusion to this ugliness is every bit the kind of thing I would expect from you, choosing to see the goodness. Keep sailing on, you’re going to be just fine. HUGS

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  13. I’m glad you were able to make it through to the other side. Observing good and performing good works is a sure way to overcome and move on. You sound like you’re headed in the right direction! 🙂

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  14. it’s not right, or fair but that’s what happens in the business world way too many times. and it’s often good trusting people it happens to because the
    fagin knows how to read people, he’s finetuned and expert at it, and has no compunctions about right or fair or wrong or unfair. it’s a nasty business waking up to that, but have faith, patience and keep your center, even through the anxiety, which you obviously have done, it comes through in the honesty. so sorry you had that happen, it’s a shock, so treat yourself kindly – breathe (and chant) for the anxiety and hope for the best regardless.

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    1. You are so wise, Tipota. Oh yeah – Fagin doesn’t miss a shot. When people don’t care if they do the wrong thing – that’s hard to face. It has opened my eyes a lot. The breathing and chanting has helped a lot. So have you!!!

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  16. “I haven’t been able to write or do much of anything for the past couple of weeks because I have been panic-stricken. It has been hell, there is no way of sugar coating it. Hell on anxiety-shaped wheels.”

    Selma, I have been feeling the SAME EXACT way.

    I’m terribly sorry you’re going through such a rough time right now. My whole entire heart goes out to you. Feeling powerless is brutal.

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    1. I’m sorry you’ve been going through the same thing, Meleah. It’s an awful feeling, isn’t it? Hope you are getting through it OK. It’s about time we had a change of fortune, isn’t it? Thinking of you!!

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  17. Itp is too quiet here in your corner of the blogsphere. I miss you popping in and hope you are finding your way thru the storm. Sending love, light, and positive energy your way, hope to take a walk with you again soon! XOXO

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  18. I can empathize – a few years ago my dad has to sell his business due to loses, the betrayal and sabotage of a former partner (who was my mom’s first cousin) and we also had to see two plots of land that my dad had bought years back in my sister’s and my name as well as our big house that we lived in for 19 years. It made things better, we could sell it and settle debts and still have some cash left over. Things are better to some extent but we haven’t fully recovered from that financial loss.
    I’m sure things will get better for you as it will for me, someday. Chin up love.

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    1. I’m sorry to hear your family went through that, Roshan. It always hurts more when it’s someone close to you who betrays you. I’m sure things will get better for you someday. Very soon, I hope!!!

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  19. it’s good that you have people around to bring you comfort, I think a little kindness goes a very long way. I hope many, many good things come your way.

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  20. Oh, Selma, I’m so sorry! I’ve just said this to a new friend: The universe doesn’t do these things to us for any reason or purpose; it is totally random, like leaves falling from a tree.

    If that statement sounds a little depressing at first (i.e., the universe doesn’t care about any of us – we are only leaves), turn it around and realise that it means the universe is not out to get you either.

    Dear one, you are loved and held close by many. You will survive, and eventually you will thrive.

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    1. Your comment cheered me up so much, Elle, because I was feeling someone was out to get me. Thank you. You have helped me more than you know xxx

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  21. Lovely Selma! My mum used to always say, that good things do happen to good people even if happens late. Just be good as you are, and do good things as you do and Karma will take care of the rest. And I believe her. I am also riddled with lots of politics and game playing, but I hold on to those words, that good will come to me. Music, friends and bit of dancing gets me through hell days.

    Hope things turn around for your family and you soon…

    Thinking of you

    xoxo

    Childwoman~

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    1. Very wise words, Childwoman – I also believe good will come to me. I like to dance too. It always cheers me up. Thanks for your kindness!!!

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  23. Thanks for this reminder, Selma. Another example of the inextricable mix of light and dark that life seems to be woven from. Hang on in there! Things do not stay the same…….and they do get better. Anne

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  25. What an awful situation to have to go through. I’m so glad that you made it through and realised that it was all done to goodness. You’re so right, we should celebrate goodness more often. I hope everything is looking much brighter now Selma. xx

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  29. I’m glad to see you’ve come back to visit your website. I know writers have peaks and valleys, but I also recognize when things are overwhelming writers tend to go quiet. I hope all is getting better for you!! XXX

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    1. It is slowly improving, Aine, and you’re so right about the going quiet bit. Sometimes it’s the only way to cope with things. Thank you for being there xxxx

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  30. Well, I can see how you have so many people cheering for you. I’m so glad that you got through your heavy dose of disillusionment. I don’t know if everyone in life gets some of that, in one place or another, but I’ve certainly had mine too. I hope I haven’t been on the other side of that scenario. the side of slash and burn, and knock the other guy for a loop.
    I hope you find a new and better way to apply your business skills in the future and have many happy returning customers.

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    1. I think we all experience difficult times, emaria. It is just a part of life but sometimes when you’re in the thick of it it is hard to remember that and also that it will eventually pass. But it does… thank goodness. Thank you so much for your kind wishes and for visiting!

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