One Day At A Time

I didn’t think I was going to make it through the past month. I thought it was going to finish me off, for sure. I won’t lie – I had a bit of a breakdown, got really sick and spent nearly two weeks gripped by the most awful anxiety. It was awful…I would have done anything to get rid of that twisting, churning knot of fear in my stomach. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I felt as if I was barely alive.

All of that because of money. Money. Oh you, odious, horrible, foul thing.

We waited and we waited for the sale of our share of the business to go through. There were so many delays, so many excuses. I nearly felt myself crack in two because the anxiety was stopping me from doing anything to get more money. I literally couldn’t get out of bed or write a single sentence. I was chained deep within the well of my anxiety.

Then at the end of last week the money finally came through – a pittance, a slap in the face after all the work that had been done, all the blood spilled on the floor – but it is enough, enough to get us going again.

It’ll be hard work, it’ll be nerve-wracking, but we are determined to make the most of what we have and work our butts off so we are never placed in such a position of powerlessness again. Or betrayed by people we thought had our backs.

Lots of lessons have been learned. There have been lots of things to be grateful for – my father, loaning me money after all that we have been through, friends buying groceries, coming over with a bottle of wine. Emails and letters offering the kindest of words…making me realise that the love out there in this world that seems at times so cold…the love out there is strong.

Another lesson (and perhaps the most important one) is to try where possible to take stressful times one day at a time. One day. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself imagining all kinds of everything-is-going-to-go-wrong scenarios. Envisioning the apocalypse. One day at a time is the way to go.

Thank you to you all, dear friends. You have helped me more than you could possibly know. I won’t ever forget it. I love you all.

49 thoughts on “One Day At A Time”

  1. I am so glad to see you back online, so relieved to know you are on your way back emotionally too. You are stronger than you know, Selma. I know you’ll take all those lessons you mentioned and put them to good use. I hope you know I am here for you, and I know there are many more who are too. I love you, girl. Now go show ’em how it’s done.

    Like

    1. Patti, you are one of the most awesome people I know. You have helped me so much in recent weeks. SO much. I mean it when I say – I LOVE YOU – I really do. xxxxxxx

      Like

  2. Love you too, Selma. I’m sending you all the good vibes I can possibly gather. “One day at a time” is a good policy. One day, soon, it will all come right for you, I just know it. xx ❤ xx

    Like

  3. Dearest Selma, I knew you would make it through this nightmare, you are made of far stronger stuff than you realize. We don’t always do it pretty or neatly, but we make it thru. You have learned the most important lesson of all… worry about the future serves little purpose as we can do nothing to change it except plan. We can do nothing about the past, it is recorded and done with. We can only learn from it. What we have then is today, and it takes all our wits and energy to live this one day, get thru it, and make it meaningful. We have today to live! I have never yet encountered the day I couldn’t somehow manage to make it to the end up, and I’ve been making it for 58 years now, that’s a lot of days! 🙂 You’ve also learned the strength that can be found in reaching out and accepting all the love and support that is to be found at such dark times. I believe that you, your husband, and your son will find your way to a time of living with less stress and worry, the door is opening and the future is at hand! Big Hugs to you across the pond, go on and live little sister, smell more flowers!

    Like

    1. Your comment means so, so much to me, Josie. I know how much you have been through yourself so your insights are extremely valuable to me. I love it when you say – we have today to live. It is so true. It’s all about today. It’s not easy to do but I am training myself to not focus so much on what could happen and what IS happening. It’s amazing how focussing on that is cutting down on my worrying. Thank you for your beautiful hugs. You are so amazing xxxx

      Like

  4. Pingback: Bazinga! | Gabrielle Bryden's Blog

  5. Oh you poor thing – there is nothing worse than that crippling anxiety! Lots of hot bubble baths for you (hope you have a bathtub). For all its worth one day I have a strong feeling that something really amazing and good is going to happen to you and yours and I’m rarely wrong in that Department. Love ya heaps Selma – here’s to a happy Monday (and every other day).

    Like

    1. A bubble bath sounds great right about now, Gabe. I hope you’re right about the good thing that is going to happen…that would be awesome…and whatever it is I am happy to share it with everyone. I love ya heaps too, Gabe. You mean so much to me xxxxxx

      Like

  6. For all the sage advice about how to deal with stress over money…I always recall those Shakespearean lines…”Easier to teach twenty what to do..than to be one of the twenty of mine own teaching.”…take good care my friend.

    Like

  7. challenging times. it’s not so much about what happens, cuz stuff happens no matter what. it’s always about what you do with it. if it’s good, or if it’s bad, it’s about what you do with it. this one really tested, and you came out
    straight A. you are stronger and smarter than you may realize…

    now go ahead and make friends with money. itself, it isnt odious. it is the lies cheats and steals around it that make it look odious. money suffers guilt by association haha. and when you get money, have the attitude of gratitude. that way it will come back again and again, with a basket of fruit
    and bouquets

    much love back at ya!

    Like

    1. Before all this happened,Tipota, I didn’t think I was all that strong. I didn’t think I would get through this situation at all…but it just goes to show that sometimes stressful situations can bring things out in us we didn’t even know were there.

      It’s interesting what you say about money. I can see how approaching it with gratitude would change things. I’m going to give that approach a try. I really value your insights. Smooches xxxx

      Like

  8. You know, I have seen from several sources lately that have talked about how we want to know how it’s all going to turn out, but we need to learn that the best part is not knowing. Let go and let God, is the way some put it. I myself have found that staying in the present and watching closely to what is going on around me has buoyed me up and helps me have the courage to face tomorrow. Not that I don’t make plans, goals, and aspire… as one of my favorite people said, “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”

    And I agree with tipota – nurse your wounds, but then get back up and get a new relationship with money. It’s simply a tool used for good or for ill – it itself has no value. It’s how you use it that gives it value. I know that Selma with money would be a very, very good thing. 😉

    And I’m so happy that it’s over for you, and that you’re determined to bounce up. As the saying goes… “It’s not how far you fall, it’s how high you bounce when you reach bottom.”

    Bet you didn’t realize how bouncy you are! *knee-slapper!* 😀

    ♥ ya – keep moving forward!

    Like

    1. I love what you have said, Aine. WOW. It is so true about the not knowing. How can we know what is going to happen? There is no way we can so we have to accept the not knowing and just have faith it will all work out. Let Go and Let God. I really like that a lot. Thank you xx

      Yes. I do need to change my attitude to money. It has wounded me but I can see how it could also be used for good.

      I didn’t realise I was so bouncy either. LOL. BOINNNNGGGGGGG!!!

      Like

  9. My dearest Selma,

    Strength to you, my dear friend, and I’m so sorry you’ve been put through so much. I am also thankful for your friends and family who where there for you during this ordeal. I only wish I could have been there for you as well. Just know that I’m always holding you in my heart and whenever you feel alone, remember I’m thinking of you (unless I’m asleep, then I’m probably thinking I’m grocery shopping in my car while wearing my nightgown and clown shoes).

    I love you, dear friend. Take gentle care of yourself, you deserve the best.

    Many hugs,

    Karen

    Like

    1. I was feeling a bit teary with your comment, Karen, until you painted the image of you in your nightgown and clown shoes. HAHAHAHA. You have such a knack for cracking me up. That is one of your great gifts. That you are thinking of me…… words just can’t express…..

      I love you too. Heaps and heaps xxxx

      Like

  10. I am really sorry to hear about all this. Its just so frustrating and unnerving, isn’t it. I have been there. My parents were bankrupt a long time ago, and the bankruptcy lasted for 2 yrs. We were penniless. My best friend’s mother used to pay for my college fees. Yup, it was that bad. But we are out of that mess. We are well to do now, but I will never forget that time. Never ever. If nothing else, we have come out more stronger, value every thing more and take nothing for granted. This Too Shall Pass.

    Please take care of yourself. Dont stress yourself too much. Its just money, I know its very important, but so is sanity, so is life. Dont give up on yourself. Health is everything, if you are better, than things will be better for sure.

    I don’t know if love is out there or not, I am sure you know how bitter I can be at times 🙂 But I really believe in the love that resides in us , and gets us through hell.

    Hope you get better soon and kick that anxiety’s butt!

    Love

    Childwoman~

    Like

    1. I am sorry to hear you went through that, Childwoman. It must have been very stressful. I can imagine that it must make you truly appreciate what you have now. I know what I have gone through has made me so grateful for all the things I DO have.

      I am really, really moved by your kind words. Thank you so much. Love to you xx

      Like

  11. Oh gosh, Selma, that all sounds too dreadful for words. I know that crushing anxiety and how paralysing it is. I am so glad you have surfaced the other side and that things have been sorted, albeit unfairly, but to enable you to carry on. I am sorry I am so out of touch with you these days. I feel awful for not knowing you were going through such a rough time. Big hugs to you and your family xxx

    Like

    1. Please don’t feel awful about that, Gina. I am just so glad to hear from you. It has cheered me up a lot and I thank you for the beautiful hugs 😀 😀

      Like

  12. Worry about money is a common stress factor right now. Please don’t feel silly about that. We spend such a large portion of our lives trying to put ourselves firmly on track and when we get knocked down by forces beyond our means, it is devastating. I’m glad the worst is over, even if it wasn’t what you had hoped for. Stay strong.

    Like

    1. You are so right about that, writingfeemail. Fears about money are widespread right now. I meet people every day who tell me the most awful of stories. We have fallen on hard times in many parts of the world. Thank you for your very kind words.

      Like

  13. One day at a time is definitely the way to take it; the idea of ‘bouncing back’ to the way things were only happens in soap opera. I have several friends who have gradually hauled themselves back, with hard work, courage and determination … it’s only recently the father of one of them said, no matter how much else was taken away from her, they could never take those things away

    Good to see you back with us! xxx

    Like

    1. Yes. I completely agree with that, Travelrat – hard work, courage and determination are really the way to go. It’s the only way to get out of a stressful financial situation (apart from finding a generous benefactor..haha.) It’s great to be back xxxx

      Like

  14. Oh Selma, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through such a stressful time. I hate money headaches, and they’re usually so stupid. I read somewhere that a problem is a story that has not ended yet. I try to think of that. All problems will find an end, and worrying will rarely make a difference. I’m glad you came to your end and I wish you all the luck in your next venture.

    Like

    1. You’re so right about the worrying, Lauri, it’s completely self-defeating. I am trying to train myself not to do it as much as I do because it is tying me to the past when what I need to do is move forward. If I didn’t have all these worries and crazy thoughts going on in my mind I would be completely fine. Shame I can’t turn off my brain. Haha. Thanks for being there xxx

      Like

  15. The best thing about this post is knowing that you made it over the hump, you are ready and raring to move on. You are taking steps, and as long as you’re moving forward, you are moving away from that mess that caused you such horrible anxiety. Anxiety IS crippling, it affects you physically and emotionally as well as mentally. I thought about you while you were “away” and I’m glad you’re back and glad to know that it looks like you and your family are going to be just fine. You are so right – one day at a time. Warm hugs and lots of love.

    Like

  17. Selma, I am SO sorry to hear about what you’ve had to deal with lately. I can totally relate to the anxiety of it all swallowing you whole. But I am very happy you had love and support from others. And, I am happy you’re getting closer to the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I love you, my dear friend. so very much. XOXOXO

    Like

    1. The anxiety has almost killed me, Meleah. I know you know what that is like. It is so good to be feeling a little better. I still have a long way to go but things are looking up. I love you too. Heaps xxxx

      Like

  18. Glad you accepted help from your father, as difficult as I suspect this would have been for you. The kind of anxiety you’ve experienced is a terrible, crippling thing, but it is also an amazing, empowering feeling to come out the other side and to be able to say, hey, whaddyaknow, I made it!! Very glad you did, Selma! 😀
    (“Envisioning the apocalypse.” – haha, I know it well ;-))

    Like

    1. I am a terrible apocalypse envisioner, Bluebee. I have to stop doing that. Haha. It was hard to accept help from my Dad but the good thing is it has mended our relationship. I am so glad and happy about that. It amazes me that so much good stuff has come out of so much bad. Who knew that would happen? The universe continues to surprise me. Thanks for being there xxx

      Like

  19. Here’s something you might like:

    ‘A friend is someone who’ll give you a shoulder to cry on. A true friend will have a baseball bat, and be looking for the person who made you cry’

    Now, where did I put my baseball bat?

    Like

  20. Hey girlfriend. how wonderful to see you here today! This is a huge step in the right direction, taking control of what you can, like your time & talents.
    Please also take care of your health, don’t let the nasty people get you down any more, you are showing them what you’re made of. Now just pay close attention to the gut feelings you get with the new chances that will be coming your way. This is a major time of the year for new beginnings … I always get so excited and yes, we are wondering what is gonna happen next! Remember ~ it’s not how fast you can run or how high you can climb, it’s how well you can bounce!
    xoxo

    Like

    1. I definitely feel the new beginnings vibe, Susan. Much more than I usually do. It’s as if new things are just waiting around the corner. Thank you so much for all your support. It has kept me going. And I am getting better at bouncing every day 😆

      Like

  21. What a beautiful post. I have been there so many times in the last five years or so. Wondering how I will feed the kids… pay school tuition, buy clothes, tennis shoes… just the words “Mom I need new shoes” would start me crying in private. Hang in there… YOU CAN DO IT!

    Like

    1. Awww, Katherine. I have had those moments too. My son told me he had a hole in his school shoes and I had to go into the bathroom and weep wondering how I’d pay for a new pair. I got into such a panic about it. I am determined to get out of this situation into a time of abundance…I owe it to everyone but mostly to myself. Thank you so much for your support.

      Like

  22. I’m so glad to see you back and ready to take it on again. I have had a few anxiety attacks but I can’t even imagine how crippling it is to have a continuous attack lasting weeks. Bravo to you for pulling yourself out of it. And your dad, wow how awesome is that that the help was there with no hesitation. Makes ya shake your head at the way things work doesn’t it? Out of all this horrible mess and heartbreak is a ray of sunshine repairing your relationship! Wonderful!

    You’ll make it my dear, theres a bit of steel in you that never says die.
    xoxoxo

    Like

    1. It’s amazing how things have worked out with my family, Cathy. They have surprised me with how supportive they have been. It’s just been wonderful. I don’t really know what brought the change about but I am so glad of it.

      I do feel a bit of a ‘never say die’ thing going on now. I won’t give up easily. Love you xxxx

      Like

Comments are closed.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: